Moving again

Sorry for trouble. I’ve moved over to

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I’m still struggling with sleep. Seeing how it’s 5:30 and I’m awake, posting. I wish I could sleep. I know it bothers sweetheart that I’m sleeping ’til 3-5pm but it’s reasonable if you couldn’t fall asleep till 7-9am because of pain. We’re just on such different schedules. I don’t know how to fix it. I read someone compare living with Fibro to living with an abusive partner. Unpredictable, vengeful, and controlling. I never know the right answer because for no rhyme or reason fibro changes the answer. Some days I need to sleep 12 hours. Some days I can go running and I feel better and some days I can go running and I can barely walk for 3 days. A big problem I have right now is lack of appetite. I’m rarely hungry and when I am, I’m so nauseous nothing sounds good. Poor nutrition due to nausea doesn’t help with energy levels either.

It’s like living in limbo. Waiting for a change or an answer and just being stuck. I am grateful that emotionally I am better, but physically I seem to be losing grip again. I know I’ve had some stress in my life that I’m managing pretty well mentally, but I guess my body is still responding. Our car tires needed replacing so our wedding savings just bought us $700 tires. Trying to budget money is stressful on anyone and as I’ve stated before fibro tends to magnify everything. We’re just going to try our best to put our nose to the ground, work hard, and live frugally to try to make ends meet and save for the wedding. I think this means I will be working this semester while attending school. I really hope I have the strength to pull that off.

Still finding it difficult to write when I’m not in the best spirits. My personality is to stay positive, but I want to show the true realities of living with fibro, nitty gritty and all.

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My first 5K

I ran my first 5K. Ok. I started out running, and soon began to walk. But I finished the race running. I didn’t stop once. And I completed the 5K in about 1 hour. It was a blast. I strongly suggest looking up The Color Run and finding one in your area. I’m still recovering. My bad knee is horribly stiff and locked. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. And I have’t done much of anything since. My hips feel like they are being ripped from my body again. The pain makes it difficult to think. And sleep is my enemy again. But it was totally worth the flare. Because I accomplished something I never thought I could have done even before I was diagnosed with fibro. I COMPLETED A 5K!!! And I am happy.

Oh, and I signed up for another one in 2 months. I hope to run more in this next one. 🙂

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Sorry for the spam. I’ll write soon.

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Walk a mile in your own shoes

I’m still struggling with my future. Unsure of where I should turn next. I was reading through my old posts and found one where I promised to not feel guilt and will be proud of what I am accomplishing. I haven’t been doing very well at that. Then I saw a comment where someone said “show yourself the love and respect you would show anyone else in the same situation”. I needed to see that again.

I consider myself an empathetic person. I often see everyone’s point of view and usually go as far as feeling their pain. Because of this I am generally a very sympathetic person. Recently I have felt abandoned. I feel like I would drop everything to help someone with whatever they needed help with even if I don’t really know them. At the same time….recently… I haven’t felt like many people were willing to do the same thing for me. When I changed majors I was cut off from my previous lifestyle and that included communication with friends. We drifted apart. And pretty soon I talked to practically no one but sweetheart. That’s hard on your self esteem. I need to change my life.

I need to start respecting myself more. I’m not saying I need to stop doing things for others completely. I need to start believing I’m worth others doing things for me. I need to start attempting to see myself and my situation through other’s eyes. If I knew someone who was my age and had fibro and has been through some of the things I have, I would cut them a lot of slack. So why am I not allowing myself some? I deserve some credit. I promise to attempt to change my attitude and start showing myself respect. I know a lot of people struggle with that so I challenge you too. Say no to someone every once in awhile. Give yourself some free time to do something you love. Listen to music for the love of music. Stay up late or see the sun rise. Eat that piece of cake. Laugh. Smile in the mirror. Love yourself again. You are worth it.

New daily challenge: look at myself through someone else’s eyes.

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So we’re in the process of moving. Moving is stressful on anyone, but having a chronic illness magnifies every box carried, every mile of travel in the car, and every minute standing on your feet because all the chairs are covered with boxes. It’s been hectic. We are moving home for the summer and will be moving into a new apartment near OU in August. One of the hardest parts about moving is all your kitchen stuff is always everywhere, or packed, or half of the stuff is in each place so you can’t make anything at home, encouraging eating out which is not only expensive but unhealthy. We’ve been eating pretty healthy long enough that the “every meal fast food” week really knocked my energy level as well. We only have one last car full left and to clean it up and hand in our keys next Monday. I’m so ready to have it all over with.

So far the job hunt isn’t exceptional. More like, I haven’t made it out of bed to look. Luckily I already budgeted as if I wasn’t working so I’m not nearly as stressed as I usually would be. I’m starting to think I want to use this summer to really reign my health back in (I seem to say this a lot, but what can you do?) and tackle our food budget. I want to get a system under our belt and start making everything at home. I think this will save us money as if I had a job and we’ll be eating healthier. I’m working on a meal plan for this week right now and after I get that out of the way I’ll start looking for recipes and seeing what I want to start making. One goal for this summer is frozen crock pot meals so I’m not heating the oven as much. I also really want to tackle homemade bread. If I make the dough during the day and bake it that night when the day has cooled off it should last us about a week or so.

I also think this will be a good time to start overhauling our groceries because we’re living out of a dorm fridge. 🙂 I will really have to plan my meals.

Sweethearts birthday is in two days. He picked out his present, OU football season tickets. I want to think of something small and clever (cheap would be a bonus) to do to make his birthday still seem special. His mom is cooking a thanksgiving dinner at his request, he LOVES stuffing.

All in all emotionally I’m doing leaps and bounds better. Not 100% but it’s night and day comparatively. Physically I’m hurting from moving. Hopefully my body will restore itself in the next week or so.

Other goal this summer is to plan the wedding and start the crafts so I won’t be rushing over stuff I could have had done earlier. I’m not naive, I know I’ll still be rushing. 🙂

Here’s to hopefully a wonderful last summer before my last year of college.

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That awkward moment when you’re so tired you wake up nauseous, and the only way to stop it is to wake up and eat saltine crackers.

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